News: Woman Hides $5K In Rear, Can't Get It Out, Goes To Hospital

Thanks, Jody Love. From The Smoking Gun.


AUGUST 30--A Tennessee woman is hospitalized and facing a criminal charge for allegedly stealing $5000 from her boyfriend, cash she hid in her rectum and unsuccessfully sought to retrieve with a toilet brush and tongs when confronted by the theft victim, police report.

Christie Black, 43, swiped the money at the residence she shared with Bobby Gulley,

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25 Parenting Wins Of The Day

Every now and then you gotta remind them that we're smarter, meaner, more experienced, and more devious than they even imagined.

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Sublime Video Of The Day: The Beatles Abbey Road Medley Isolated Vocals

Just listen.

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Commercial Of The Day: Jii

Now this is how you sell a USB lighter.

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August "Found Porn" Roundup

We are surrounded by filth. Delicious, hilarious filth. Thanks for the pics, Daisy, Mark W., Toxic Blonde, Audra, and Amazing Larry.

The new packaging for the jumbo soda at the movies.

Now you know how compacts are made.



Cockzilla


Needs a glaze

The shark shocker

Well hello, Muff. Where u been hiding?

Headline writing is a lost art

I don't think the Batmobile will fit in there.

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Captain Kirk Watches Miley Cyrus (vid)

Myrus vs. the starship Enterprise.

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Cool Teachers Of The Day

I love the iPhone prank.

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Prank Of The Day: Lifelike Picture

Now this is how you do viral marketing. I hope they gave all these people jobs for putting them through that.

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Inexplicable Vintage Photos Of The Day

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

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Untranslatable Words From Different Languages Of The Day

From Maptia.







(Read more)

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News: Couple Arrested For Public Sex In Home Depot Display Shed

They couldn't even make it to the car? Nobody believes in delayed gratification anymore.

From The Smoking Gun. Thanks for the link, Mike Bergeron.


Couple Arrested For Shacking Up At Home Depot

AUGUST 29--A South Carolina couple was arrested yesterday for having sex inside a display shed at a Home Depot, police report.

Emily Craig, 20, and Shaun Bowden, 31, were nabbed after cops were

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August Motivational Poster Roundup

You gotta love clever people.

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12 Weird Things You Didn't Know You Could Buy On Amazon (NSFW-ish)

From Madconomist.com. Click any pic to find out more.



1. The Celebrity Black Book: Over 55,000 Accurate Celebrity Addresses


2. Tickle His Pickle: Your Hands-On Guide to Penis Pleasing


3. Man to Man : Gay Attraction Body Mist 2 Oz


4. SILK Micro G-String Thong Rings Panty


5. JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank


6. Stink Bombs - Box of 36 Glass Vials


7. Dr. John's Famous Pee Pee


8.

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Epic Ways To Open A Beer (Of The Day)

I kept waiting for someone with a hook. From First We Feast.





























More here.

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News: Nebraska Woman Busted For Piercing Victim's Face With Stiletto Heel In Post-Baby Shower Brawl

In her defense, the other woman did say she wanted to try on the shoes. Who has a baby shower at 3 a.m.?

From The Smoking Gun.


Nebraska Woman Busted For Piercing Victim's Face With Six-Inch Stiletto Heel In Post-Baby Shower Brawl

August 19, 2013

Meet Julia Bol.

Wielding a stiletto with a six-inch heel, the 28-year-old Nebraskan allegedly used the shoe to stab a woman in the face,

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Helpful Chart Of The Day: Gang Signs

Ahhh, okay, now I get it.

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Vid Of The Day: Micro Mayhem

This kicks ass. Duel meets The Road Warrior meets Mario Kart -- all in claymation.

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News: People Far Away From You Not Actually Smaller

From The Onion.


Study: People Far Away From You Not Actually Smaller 

Aug. 22, 2013

PRINCETON, NJ—According to a groundbreaking new study published Thursday in The Journal Of Natural And Applied Sciences, people who are far away from you are actually not, as once thought, physically smaller than you.

The five-year study, conducted by researchers at Princeton University, has shattered

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Celebrity Star Wars Photoshops Of The Day

From a series of amusing contests on Worth1000.com.


Mr. Y


Darth Simpson


Foreman R2-D2 grill


Gen. Goofous


Queen Frodo


AHHHHHHHHH!!!!


Darth Shrek


Moby-Wan Kenobi


Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back


Rodney the Hutt


The Millennium Lee


Queen Spacey


Emperor Putintine


Rihannaayla


Queen Leia


I Am Darth Maul


Danny DeYoda

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Vid Of The Day: New Wearable Computer Also Sucks Your D**k (NSFW)

Totally NSFW. From The Onion.

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Red, White, And Booze: A Map Of America's Top Brands By State (Of The Day)

From Thrillist:

"Steve Lovelace, you have inspired us, sir. To drink!

Last month, the Dallas-based writer, photographer, and artist put together the wildly buzzy Corporate States of America map, with the logo of each of state's most notable company shoehorned in between its boundaries. We noticed that only two were alcohol outfits, which drove us to create another map plotting the biggest/

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News: Store Clerk Injured While Trying To Stop Theft Of Hasselhoff Signs

Being a Hoff fan is a real drag, man. From ABC News. Link from the amazing Jenn Howard.



Give that man a signed photo of me. He's my brah.


Conn. Clerk Injured in David Hasselhoff Sign Theft Shelton, CT
August 20, 2013 (AP) Connecticut police say a convenience store clerk has been critically injured trying to stop the theft of two signs featuring images of actor David Hasselhoff.

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Lip Sync Of The Day: I Put A Spell On You

Another win by Jimmy "Under Pressure" Slonina.

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Sourpusses Of The Day

The epiphany that is baby's first lemon. The professional shots are from April Maciborka.

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Weekend Links Of The Day

A cornucopia of awesome for your weekend.


Cheap American beers ranked (Deadspin). Dead last, deservedly: Keystone.

Very cool: sneaky hiding places (Make)

The most important full-frontal nude scenes in movies (Complex). Important genitalia and pubes? Okay.

Beautiful abandoned places (Buzzfeed). The first pic is breathtaking.

If you watch this, watch it in HD 1080. (YouTube)

Cats stuck in

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Unhappy Dads At Tween Girl Concerts

Bieber, One Direction, Jonas Brothers, Taylor Swift. Yeah, I've been there. Thanks, RachRiot.




Sweet Jesus take me now.




Phone? Check. Earplugs? Check. Flamethrower? Shit!Forgot the flamethrower.




How To Kill Yourself, chapter one...




(Caption unnecessary)




A faceful of ass all night long.




Just realized he can still hear the horrible music out here.

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The Dark Side Of 11 Classic Board Games (Of The Day)

Great games, questionable themes. From The Huffington Post.MONOPOLY

This board game pits family members against one another, teaching children several important economic lessons: how to stifle competition, squeeze rent from squatters that stop by their properties and exert maximum profits at all costs. Before you know it, you'll have a mini-mogul on your hands. Besides, what 8-year-old shouldn't

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Photo Of The Day: Shark Swallowed Whole By Bigger Shark

Reminds me of Russian nesting dolls. From NBC News.


Shark is swallowed whole -- by an even bigger shark

Aug. 19, 2013

Everyone knows the story: The little fish gets eaten by a big fish, and the big fish gets eaten by an even bigger fish and so on.

But it isn't often that the big fish is a shark — in this case, a dogfish — that then gets swallowed whole by a much larger sand tiger shark (

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9 Of The World's Creepiest Mansions (Of The Day)

Don Knotts spent the night in at least three of these. Would you?

From io9.

Pidhirtsi Castle, Pidhirtsi, Ukraine
This 17th century castle was once richly furnished, but during World War I, Russian soldiers destroyed the lavish interior. After WWII, the Soviets reopened it as a Tubercolosis sanitarium, but in 1956 the old castle caught fire and burned for three weeks, destroying the last of its

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Classy Bride Of The Day

Alllllrighty then.

From Beth Steiner and The Soup.


We can't tell what's worse: the fact that the bride chose to play Buckcherry's "Crazy B*tch" as she walked down the aisle, or that she chose to use a karaoke version of it (which we're guessing she sang over).

Our favorite part is the reaction from the dad in the foreground who looks on helplessly as the bride destroys his son's

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Thrift Store Paintings Made Better With Monsters (Of The Day)

And why not? You bought six paintings for 84 cents.

Semi-original artwork by Chris McMahon and Thyrza Segal at Twisted Sifter. Link from Josh Lewis.


See more here.

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Animals Being Dicks (Of The Day), Vol. 2

From Animals Being Dicks.





Dog: HEY! Knock it off, you two!

















Animals being hungry









Your screenplay sucks. Stop writing.









And the Oscar goes to...





Eat this. I just made it fresh for ya.





Ouch



Volume 1 here.

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News: Oprah Aware Her Boobs Are Getting Bigger

Nope, not The Onion. News Channel 9, an ABC affiliate in Syracuse, NY. Slow news day, eh 9?


Oprah Aware Her Boobs Are Huge

Oprah Winfrey is careful not to smother her young nieces whenever they pay her a visit because she hated hugs from her big-breasted grandmother when she was a child.

The TV titan and actress insists her boobs are getting bigger as she gets older -- and she's convinced

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Fast Food Ads Vs. Reality Pics Of The Day

From Seth D. and Sheila, courtesy of The West Virgina Surf Report (wtf?).




BK Enormous Omelet Sandwich




McDonald's Sausage Breakfast Burrito




KFC Famous Bowl




Wendy's Chicken Club




Taco Bell Nachos Bell Grande




Subway Turkey & Ham sub




McDonald's Filet-O-Fish




BK Sausage, Egg & Cheese Croissant



Wendy's Southwest Taco Salad



Arby's Beef 'n' Cheddar




Big Mac

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5 Things That Food Network's Sandra Lee Is Ruining For Me

By me I don't mean me, Cary, but the author of this list, long-time FOLOTD Noreen Hobson. From Antenna Free TV.


By Noreen Hobson

I happened to catch Semi-Homemade Cooking with Sandra Lee on the Food Network the other day. Apparently, the episode was titled “Easy Elegance.” Full disclosure: I never watch this show. I think it occasionally comes on after a good cooking show. Maybe it came on

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Posters Of The Day: Super Mario As WWII Propaganda Art

From Design Taxi: "A graphic artist and web designer from Los Angeles, Fernando Reza has created a selection of Super Mario posters, done in the style of World War II propaganda. Reza has changed the slogans slightly to fit the in-game universe of Super Mario, while staying true to the aesthetics and composition of these vintage posters"

I like.

















More here.

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News: Drunk Arrestee Tries To Pee Out Police Car Window, Fails

If you try this, urine trouble.

From The Smoking Gun.


Drunk Man On Way To Jail Attempts To Urinate Out Window Of Moving Sheriff's Cruiser, Fails Spectacularly

Meet Devin Langford.

While handcuffed in the back of a patrol car following a drunk driving arrest, the 23-year-old Floridian attempted to urinate out the window of the moving car, an audacious effort that failed miserably when

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Peanuts Comics With Smiths Lyrics As Captions (Of The Day)

From the Tumblr blog.












More here.

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Craigslist Ad Of The Day: '86 Winnebago

Link from Eli Short.


86 Lesharo Winnebago - $500 (St Pete) 

I am currently selling an 86' Lesharo Winnebago...MY BREAKING BAD Lesharo Winnebago!!!! (not from the tv show, breaking bad, as you can tell) After a few run ins with some ruffians and it needs some work. Time has taken its toll on this bad boy.

It gets as many miles to the gallon as you want as long as it's in neutral and rolling

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News: NZ Woman Drives 185 Miles In Her Sleep

Must be nice. I can't even sleep on an airplane. If you or I had tried to drive 185 miles in our sleep, the story would have ended differently.

From Yahoo News.
New Zealand woman drives, texts while sleeping

Texting while driving can be deadly. Adding to the danger: texting and driving while asleep at the wheel.

A woman in New Zealand managed to drive — and even send her friends text messages

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LOTD Classic: Photoshop Fails Of The Day

Some are obvious, some you'll have to look for. Most are from Photoshop Disasters.



Can we borrow your head for a sec?



Hey, removing limbs doesn't count!


He's melting!



Give her a (giant) hand. She just bowled another perfect game.



If that horse doesn't win, shoot it.



Tattoine's best cocktail bar


Milk was a bad choice.


Artelac -- for fast, effective appendage regeneration


But

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Forgotten 70s Song Of The Day

Forgotten for a reason. Christ. Is that Michael Jeter's brother?

"You can take it seriously or take it somewhere else." Somewhere else. Bye.

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About The New Look

It's somewhat unintentional.

I mean, I've wanted to change it for a long time, and I was tired of light type on a dark background, but then I sort of accidentally changed the template without saving the old one. Oops. So now we have this. Enjoy.

Change is good. Even when it is accidental.



WHAT THE--

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Animals You Didn't Know Existed (Of The Day)

From imgur.
RACCOON DOG
Looks like a dog shagged a raccoon, but if you know anything about 'coons, you know that's not bloody likely.
CYPHONIA CLAVATA
If bugs had costume parties, this guy would win. That ant-like thing on its head is an appendage that hides the bug’s actual body from predators. AMAZON ROYAL FLYCATCHER
Loves karaoke in drag. GERENUK
Gerenuk is Swahili for "stop stealing my

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He Did It His Way: A Walter White Mashup

Nice job, whoever did this.

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Top Risqué 80s Movie Scenes Of The Day (NSFW)

From Maxim.com.

PORKY'S (1982)



Like Nerds, Porky's celebrates not those guys who actually get laid, but those guys who do things like peek through (or in some cases, insert things into) holes in the girls' shower wall. Any wonder we tend to relate to these guys more?

FRATERNITY VACATION (1985)



College guys pledge fraternities for one reason: The hope that their eventual trip to Daytona or

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News: Clear Theme Of Obedient Children Emerging In Father’s Bedtime Stories

From The Onion.


Clear Theme Of Obedient Children Emerging In Father’s Bedtime Stories

Jul 10, 2013

HUMBOLDT, TN—Citing recent tales such as “Hank the Homework-Before-Dessert Dog,” “Elmer the Don’t-Talk-Back Parrot,” and “Hard Work Is Its Own Reward,” 8-year-old Travis Ferland told reporters Wednesday the theme of obedient children had begun to recur in his father’s bedtime stories.

“In

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Minor TV Characters Who Stole The Show (Of The Day)

When afterthoughts become a show's raison d'être. The Fonz is the classic example of this.

From Mental Floss.


ALEX P. KEATON - FAMILY TIES


At the urging of a casting director, show creator Gary David Goldberg gave a young Canadian actor named Michael J. Fox a second screen test, and reluctantly hired him. Much to everyone’s surprise, Michael J. Fox had an on-screen charisma that quickly

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News: College Spends 107K To Make Logo Look Less Like A Giant Dong

From the New York Post.


Brooklyn College spends $107,000 on design firm to ax supposedly phallic logo

by ISABEL VINCENT and MELISSA KLEIN
Aug. 11, 2013

She gave it the shaft.

One of Karen Gould’s first acts as president of Brooklyn College was to thrust $107,000 into creating a new school logo — because the old clock-tower silhouette was supposedly too phallic looking, insiders said.

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Face Swaps Of The Day

From Daisy. Fun with crazy celebrity faces.

 
Tom Cruise with Celine Dion's eyes


 

Celine with Tom's mouth



I swapped mouths on Lindsay and Celine.





What if Gary and Britney switched eyes?





And Gary and Oprah exchanged mouths?





Miley's tongue was a perfect fit for Gary's mouth, and I gave her his eyes. (Gary has enough crazy to go around.)




 

If you thought Charlie

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Cameron's House from Ferris Bueller Is For Sale

Own a piece of movie history for the low, low price of only $1.5 mil. Chump change! Ferrari not included, sorry. 

Here's the real estate listing. The house is fugly if you ask me, but nobody asked me.

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Book Titles With One Letter Missing Of The Day

So apparently this is a thing now. Cool. Most are from the web; a couple are my own.

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News: Mom Spends Vacation Doing Usual Household Duties Closer To Ocean

So true. From The Onion.


Mom Spends Beach Vacation Assuming All Household Duties In Closer Proximity To Ocean

Aug. 9, 2013

NAGS HEAD, NC—Continuously doing laundry, cooking, or vacuuming in her family’s rented beach cottage this week, area mom Catherine Yardley has spent a much-needed vacation performing all her usual household chores while in closer proximity to the ocean, sources

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Amusing Facebook Photo Captions Of The Day

These are good but I've seen this good or better from our many friends on the LOTD Facebook page.

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Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Sixty Years On The Q Train

CL > new york > brooklyn > missed connections

Posted: 2013-08-06


Missed Connection - m4w



I saw you on the Manhattan-bound Brooklyn Q train.

I was wearing a blue-striped t-shirt and a pair of maroon pants. You were wearing a vintage red skirt and a smart white blouse. We both wore glasses. I guess we still do.

You got on at DeKalb and sat across from me and we made eye contact,

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Movies Made Better With Sharks (Of The Day)

From the Tumblr blog.
































More here.

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Weekend Links Of The Day

8 movie roles Johnny Depp almost played. (Screen Crush)

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. (What The Prom?)

Excellent names. (Facebook)

Classic Coupes: 7 Sleek Rides of the 1920s and 30s. (Popular Mechanics)

The challenge to use a penis-shaped cake pan to make something other than penis-shape cakes. (The Poke)

The costliest typos ever. (Mental Floss)

Two words:

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American Cities With The Most And Least Attractive People (Of The Day)

Based on a 2012 readers' (opinion!) poll by Travel + Leisure magazine. Cities ranked from most attractive to least.

Miami
San Diego
Charleston
Los Angeles
Nashville
Austin
Savannah
Honolulu
Minneapolis/St Paul
San Francisco
Santa Fe
Providence
Denver
New York City
Chicago
Kansas City
San Antonio
New Orleans
Boston
Dallas
Seattle
Las Vegas
Houston
Phoenix
Memphis
Portland, ME
Atlanta
Salt

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Versatile Vehicle Of The Day: WaterCar Panther

Link from DRSJF. Don't miss the accidental bare-boob shot at 0:55.

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Rappers & Cereal Of The Day

From the Tumblr blog.




























More here.

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Incredibly Bad Yet Strangely Amusing Rap Of The Day

DirecTV does viral right.

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Fallen Princesses Of The Day

From photographer Dina Goldstein. Link from Kate and Jillian.














See them all here.

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News: Mom Busted For Biting Teen Daughter's Breast During Altercation

Don't fuck with Grandma.

From The Smoking Gun.


Mom Busted For Biting Teen Daughter's Breast During Bloody Domestic Battle

August 5, 2013

A Florida woman is facing a felony rap after she allegedly bit her 16-year-old daughter’s breast during a dispute in the family’s Vero Beach home, cops report.

According to investigators, Joy Young, 38, was quarreling with her offspring, Diamond

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The Stories Behind Monopoly Game Pieces (Of The Day)

From Cool Material.

"You’ve probably played more than a few games with the little racecar or thimble but never stopped to think, 'Why the hell am I a thimble?'”














(Read more) 

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Drunken Idiot and His Excellent 911 Call of The Day

Why not "beer AND bus ticket"? Stop thinking small, Bansley.

From Clevescene and Elliott Mason.


This is the story of a man with a taste for terrible beer and a penchant for shortsightedness.

John Bansley bought a six-pack of Milwaukee's Best at an Avon Lake convenience store Monday morning and cracked one open outside the shop. He hadn't finished the first Beast by the time cops showed up,

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Famous Shoes Of The Day

From photographer Federico Mauro.

















































More here.

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Embarrassing Human Billboards Of The Day

Surely there are easier ways to make $7.50 an hour.




He could fart in there and they would just think it was
the kebab flavor they were smelling.


Hopefully they make wax sheets, too.


"Eat me!"




Lame lame


With liberty and biscuits for all.


What happens when he has to pee?


Yeah, you look just like Fred. Especially the jeans and the hat.









They win.




These I

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News: Wisconsin Man, Adult Daughter Arrested After Chuck E Cheese Birthday Brawl

Rednecks: not just in the South.  Link from Jill Fox.


Wisconsin Man, Adult Daughter Arrested After Chuck E Cheese Birthday Brawl

TOWN OF BROOKFIELD, Wis. - A physical fight between a father and his adult daughter at a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant in the Town of Brookfield ends with both under arrest.

The two were attending a child's birthday party at the restaurant this past weekend when they

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Cool Toy I Want Of The Day

How completely badass is this? The Adult Big Wheel features:

* Heavy Duty Steel Frame and Fork supports over 275 lbs
* Molded 14 inch Plastic Rear Wheels for power slides
* 26 inch Front Wheel and Custom Freewheel Hub for high speed coasting
* Super Wide Rubber Front Tire for superior traction
* Fully Adjustable padded seat accommodates 5'2" to 6'6"

I don't know about you, but when I was

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LOTD Classic Of The Day: The Tourist Of Death

It all started with a photo.
This chilling picture turned up in the days following 9/11, and reportedly came from a camera found in the rubble of the World Trade Center. Was it really possible that someone managed to photograph one of the hijacked planes mere milliseconds before impact? And if so, what became of the unknown man in the photo, and the person(s) who took it?

The photo turned out

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July "Found Porn" Roundup

Many thanks to Terry, Sheila, Cyndi, Frannie, David, Daisy, and Rachael for another fine collection.

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Celebs Who Have Been In Bar Fights (Of The Day)

From The Frisky.

KIEFER SUTHERLAND

Two years ago, Keifer Sutherland head-butted designer Jack McCollough at an after-party for the Met Gala. Sutherland says he was defending Brooke Shields, who the designer had knocked over in a rush. But Brooke said that didn’t actually happen.

PAZ DE LA HUERTA

Paz de la Huerta of “Boardwalk Empire” was arrested and charged with five misdemeanors

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Hungry Canny Bear Of The Day

Not sure what you want for takeout? Take it all.

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Tom Hanks Is A Lot Of Different Animals Of The Day

From this Tumblr blog, where you can find many more of these.

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Insult Generator Of The Day

From Mandatory, in case you miss their enormous logo on the chart, the pompous sphincter goblins. Thanks for the link, Liz T.

Read More

Not-So-Subtly Suggestive Vintage Ads Of The Day

Or maybe it's just my dirty mind.




Here, chow on this.




C'mon. Just the tip.













WTF?




Miss MUFFet




Yes, if I can sniff your Klampen Koochen.







Please be fake.







It gets lonely at sea.




And those tell you that he is a professional wrestler.




Skinless wiener. Ouch.







A.k.a. Gang Rape

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News: School Of The Arts Aims To Transform Boys And Girls Into Insufferable Young Men And Women

From The Onion.


School Of The Arts Aims To Transform Boys And Girls Into Insufferable Young Men And Women

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting that its incoming class of high school freshmen is their most coddled to date, instructors at Chestnut Ridge Academy for the Arts told an education conference this week that its mission is to take bright, precocious boys and girls and transform them into insufferable

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News: Man Stops Karaoke With Shovel

From News.com.au.


Queensland man stops karaoke with shovel

July 30, 2013

The Village People famously sang the line, "Nobody can stop the music".

Well, apparently all it takes is a party pooper with a shovel.

Police are looking for a man who was so fed up with the musical talents of guests at a karaoke party in Tully in far north Queensland on Friday night he took matters into his own

Read More

Photoshopped Celebrity Bobbleheads Of The Day

From this guy.

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Funked-Up Animal Of The Day: Zonkey

I saw one of these in Tijuana. Except it was just a donkey painted to look like a zebra, which is probably what this is. If not, the poor guy is destined to a life of doing everything half-assed.

From News.com.au.


Zonkey: cutest hybrid ever

A donkey and a zebra have come together to prove Mother Nature doesn't discriminate when it comes to love.

This little guy is the offspring of an

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Adults Recreating Childhood Photos Of The Day

Good stuff from Mama Gretch. Click any pic for a larger view.

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Lip-Synching Performance Of The Day

This. kills. me. Thanks for making my week, Suzanne Lybarger.

Read More

Obscure 70s TV Show Open Of The Day

Remember this one? Lassie meets The Fugitive. Not to be confused with the song by a similar name.

Read More

It's Hot As F**k Outside (Of The Day)

From SomeEcards.

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Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Sick-Ass '88 Mazda B2200

best of craigslist > south jersey >


Sick-Ass '88 Mazda B2200 

Dropped '88 Mazda B2200, guaranteed to melt some faces. 

In need of the prow to seduce the lady of your dreams? Wanna stick it to the man from a few inches off the ground? If the latter's the case (and it most likely is) then this kickin' chicken car is for you. 


I bought this car in 2009 and immediately grew a mustache upon

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Boob Puppets Of The Day (NSFW)

From the blog, Tit Thinks It's People.






Pebbles






Titney Spears






Skeleboob






The Breast Star






Stephen King's tIt






Black metal boobie






Carrie






E.T.: The Extra Breast-trial






Mickey & Minnie






Hannipple Lecter






Psychoboob




See more here.

.

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Iconic Characters Set In Different Eras Of The Day

From Mental Floss.




Biblical Star Wars





The Avengers - Feudal Japan





80s Game Of Thrones





Victorian Star Trek





70s Punk Mario





The Shining - Modern Day





Medieval Masters of the Universe





The Wizard of Oz - 16th Century China





Victorian Star Wars

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News: Not-That-Important Employee Snatches Best Donut In Box

From The Onion.


Not-That-Important Employee Snatches Best Donut In Box

FORT WAYNE, IN—Employees at Sapphire Business Solutions expressed their collective outrage Friday at the brazen conduct of sales associate Isaac Schuler, a largely unimportant staffer who’s only been with the company for maybe a month and who had the gall to take the best donut in the box for himself.

As recounted by

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Food On My Dog (Of The Day)

This is Tiger and she's a good sport. Her owner assures us that she gets to eat nearly everything she holds on her head. If it's something bad for her, like a donut, she gets a treat instead.




From this site. Thanks, Bianca Deacon, for the link.


















































See more at Food On My Dog.

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Quiz: Doobie Brothers' Lyric or Line From 50s Hygiene Manual Written By Angry Person Who Got Fired? (Of The Day)

From McSweeney's.


Declarative Doobie Brothers’ Lyric or Instructional Line from a First Draft of a 1950s Hygiene Manual Written By an Angry Person Who Got Fired?

by  Jeff Johnson

1. Oh, oh, listen to the music.

2. Gently pull back the foreskin. Now douse everything you see with industrial-grade bleach.

3. Pour melted butter inside each ear canal. Then look out the window. But not

Read More

News: Nation Hoping ‘The Newsroom’ Ends Before Trayvon Martin Storyline

From The Onion.


Nation Hoping ‘The Newsroom’ Ends Before Trayvon Martin Storyline

NEW YORK—Reflecting on the aftermath of the George Zimmerman trial, citizens across the nation prayed Tuesday that HBO’s "The Newsroom" somehow ends before the show is able to incorporate a storyline about the killing of Trayvon Martin.

“Oh, Christ, you just know Aaron Sorkin is already dying to clamber up on

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Amusing Primate Of The Day

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Check Before Posting: Photo Fails Of The Day

Oops.

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Unintentionally Inappropriate Kids' Drawings Of The Day

Unintentionally. Right.

From the lovely and talented Suzanne Lybarger.





























































And one totally appropriate drawing:

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News: Man Killed In Bed By Falling Cow

Third World problems.

From AOL News. Wait--AOL is still around?

Link from Chris Carey.
Man killed by cow falling in his bed in Brazil

A Brazilian man was killed in his bed when a one-tonne cow fell through the roof of his house.

Joao Maria de Souza, 45, was lying in his bed with his wife at his home in Caratinga, south-eastern Brazil, when the animal was grazing on a hill behind the house

Read More

Punk-Ass Goat Of The Day

I would knock the shit out of that goat. Then eat it. I kept waiting for someone to come out with a shotgun. Charge THIS, motherfucker! KABLAMM!

Read More

Animal Sex Positions You Should Try (Of The Day)

If you're gonna fuck like an animal, pick a fun one. I think I've done a couple of these. Definitely the mantis style.

From College Humor.

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Cover Of The Day: Thunderstruck Bagpipes

AC/DC's classic on the bagpipes. RTFO!

Read More

Meme Of The Day: Philosoraptor

Velociraptor: the Mitch Hedberg of dinosaurs.

Read More

Trip Advisor Users Whose Vacations Were Less Than Wonderful (Of The Day)

I bet they were using Groupons.












































From Tripadvisaargh via Buzzfeed.

Read More

News: Man Arrested For Having Sex with a Rubber Pool Raft. Again.

From Elliot and Clevescene.


Man Arrested for Having Sex with a Rubber Pool Raft. Again.

July 11, 2013--An Ohio man was arrested for public indecency after he was caught engaging in sexual relations with a pool raft.

Apparently this is his fifth arrest for similar offenses.

In this most recent incident, Edwin Charles Tobergta, 34, of Hamilton allegedly stepped outside of his Harmon Ave.

Read More

If Star Wars Characters Were Unemployed (Of The Day)

From Marcos Munichin via DesignTaxi.

Read More

Fun With Album Covers Of The Day

From Mike Gentile.




























































































Via this site

Read More

News: Brazil football referee decapitated after stabbing player

Sounds like some red cards were given out.

From BBC News.


Brazil referee decapitated after stabbing player

July 7, 2013

Football spectators in northern Brazil decapitated a referee after he fatally stabbed a player for refusing to leave the pitch, officials say.

An angry mob stormed the field during the amateur game in the state of Maranhao and stoned Otavio da Silva to death before

Read More

Amusing Wedding Photos Of The Day

From Pleated Jeans.









































(More here)

Read More

News: Kids Tired Of Hearing Boring Stories About How Father A Skilled, Generous Lover

From The Onion.


Kids Tired Of Hearing Boring Stories About How Father A Skilled, Generous Lover

MANCHESTER, NH—Saying they had heard each one of his anecdotes “a thousand times,” local siblings Lindsay, Alex, and Danielle Curtis told reporters Monday they were tired of listening to their father repeat the same boring stories about his skillful, selfless lovemaking.

“I honestly don’t

Read More

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Coffee Table of the Gods

From Dorfmunder.

Read More

Bread People Of The Day

From the Tumblr blog.

Read More

News: Woman Who Hid Loaded Gun In Her Vagina Gets 25 Years

That's one way to get banged, I guess. From The Smoking Gun.


Woman Who Hid Gun In Vagina Gets 25 Years

JULY 8--The Oklahoma woman who had a loaded handgun concealed in her vagina when she was arrested earlier this year on a drug charge has been sentenced to 25 years in state prison, according to court records.

Christie Dawn Harris, 28, last week entered no contest pleas to three felony

Read More

Airline Passengers As Explained By Their Pants

Amusing. But what about no pants?

From Wendi Aarons on McSweeney's.





Airplane Passengers as Explained By Their Pants


Wool Suit Pants: Will board before you.

Wool Hunting Pants: Will board after you.

Pleated Dockers: Will loudly talk on cell phone about ROIs and vertical markets.

Pajama Bottoms: Will be flying either to or from a city with a Señor Frog’s.

Sweatpants with Dallas

Read More

News: Man Killed While Peeing on NYC Subway Tracks

A shocking development in the Big Apple. "Woodhull" sounds about right.

From The Daily Beast.


Man Electrocuted Peeing on Subway

July 8, 2013

The moral of this story: don’t relieve yourself on the tracks of the New York subway system.

Thirty-year-old Matthew Zeno, who was out drinking with a friend, was electrocuted around 3 a.m. Monday morning when he stopped to pee on the third rail of

Read More

Products Of The Day: Smuggle Your Booze

Rejoice, alcoholics. Now you can have bigger tits AND get blotto. Click the pic for more info. This is an uncompensated endorsement.

Read More

Pageant Performance Of The Day: And I Am Telling You That's Not Singing

¡Aye caramba! It's like the record keeps skipping.

Thanks (?), RachRiot.

Read More

Andy Murray Hitting Things Of The Day

He's so versatile. From The Poke.





Chicken





Housefly





The Queen





Dance floor





Drums





Annoying daytime TV hosts





Kitteh





The bottle





Pinata





Everyone

Read More

Movie Of The Day: The Way Way Back

I wanna see this. Great cast.

Read More

News: Fossilized Evidence Reveals Spazosaurus Was Largest Doofus To Ever Roam Earth

From L'Onion.


Fossilized Evidence Reveals Spazosaurus Was Largest Doofus To Ever Roam Earth
 
July 2, 2013

MOAB, UT—U.S. paleontologists have reportedly unearthed a nearly intact skeleton of a Spazosaurus, an extraordinary discovery providing evidence indicating that the awkward, uncoordinated, and peculiar creature was the largest doofus to ever roam the earth.

Preston Hopkins, the lead

Read More

Pop Culture References I Have To Stop Using Because Nobody Under 35 Gets My Goddamn Jokes Anymore

Getting old sucks.

My pop-culture references that meet with blank stares from people who think MTV was the first TV channel.


The Honeycomb Hideout

Laugh-In

Archie & Edith

Foster Brooks
 
Evel Kneivel

"Real cola taste, just one calorie, TAB!"

"Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee!"

Battle of the Network Stars

Robert Conrad losing his temper on Battle of the Network Stars

Read More

Spoof Of The Day: Meow Men

Don Drapurrrrr lives.

Read More

Fast Food Fails Of The Day

From The Huffington Post, Failblog and more.

Read More

Song Of The Day: Let's Talk Dirty To The Animals (NSFW)

A classic from the late great Gilda Radner. NSFW for language. Link from the legendary Kip Sears.

Read More

Celebrities Without Eyebrows Of The Day

An improvement in some cases. From the Tumblr blog.


















































(More here)

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News: McDonald's Introduces New 6-Piece Chicken NcNoltes

From The Onion.
McDonald's Introduces New 6-Piece Chicken NcNoltes

Jun 26, 2013

OAK BROOK, IL—Touting its latest menu offering as a grizzled, tough, and brashly exciting dining option, McDonald’s CEO Don Thompson officially launched the company’s new six-piece Chicken NcNoltes meal at a press event Wednesday. 

“America spoke and we listened—our new Chicken NcNoltes have the mouth-watering

Read More

June Excellent Names Roundup

From the daily sidebar, in case you hadn't noticed.






So take one. Just spray when you're done, please.






Loved to gobble dick






Yes, please let me put my home, my car, and 
my family's future in the hands of a rodent.






This is the dawning of the Age of Quindarious






Willie Stroker, chicken-chokerKills at solitaire, sucks at poker











Congratulations. Now hurry the

Read More

Weekend Link Of The Day: Reasons Why Bill Murray Is The Coolest Guy Alive

But you already knew this.


20 Reasons Why Bill Murray Is The Coolest Guy Alive

Source: Cool Material

Read More

Commercial Of The Day: Lionel Richie & Tap King

You gotta love a man who can poke fun at himself. And you gotta love RachRiot, for sending me this video.

Read More

News: Eminem Terrified As Daughter Begins Dating Man Raised On His Music

From The Onion, though sometimes it's hard to tell anymore.


Eminem Terrified As Daughter Begins Dating Man Raised On His Music

June 27, 2013

ROCHESTER, MI—Hip-hop artist Marshall Mathers, a.k.a. Eminem, said he was left wholly terrified today after meeting his daughter Hailie’s new boyfriend Justin Denham, an 18-year-old who was reportedly raised on the rapper’s music.

Saying he could

Read More

Smartass Responses To Lame Graffiti Of The Day, Vol. 2

People are funny.

Read More

News: California Man Claims Attempted Rape Was An "Accident"

Now he can accidentally go to jail and accidentally get gang-raped. What's with these wuss criminals anymore? The only thing worse than a creep is a creep who can't admit that he's a creep. Own your dysfunction, dipshit.


California Man Says Hiding In Girl's Car, Threatening Her With A Knife, And Telling Her To Strip Was An "Accident"
 
June 14, 2013 | 12:15 pm

(THE GIST) — As if to suggest he

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Hipster Dinosaurs Of The Day

I like. Created by Molly Lewis.

Read More

There's Your Problem (Of The Day)

Memes: another reason to love the interwebz.
























"Looks like the rotor's shot. I could be wrong."

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Helpful Website Of The Day: Where The F**k Should I Eat?

Click the pic to give it a try. Be sure to click the OFFENDED? button at the bottom of the results page, too.

Read More

Exploding Actresses Of The Day

I needed that laugh. Thanks, Rich Girl Red.

Read More

Bungled Bathrooms Of The Day

Bathroom designs gone wrong  ~from Daisy.






Hang 'em high!






They have an open door policy






Oops!






The Cone Head






Your throne awaits!






For Siamese Twins?






Picture-window pooper






Gumby's can





You forgot to put the seat down!





There, I fixed it.






Hope you can ride sidesaddle.

Read More

Movie Trailer Of The Day: Anchorman 2

I hope the movie is better than this trailer. My grandma could make a better spot than this, and she doesn't have any eyes or hands.

Read More

Five Ways To Know You're Watching A Steven Spielberg Movie

#6: A shooting star in every movie. From Time.


Like any director who has worked as long as he has — 26 films over almost 40 years — Steven Spielberg has both stylistic and thematic tics that pop up again and again in his work, regardless of genre (And he has worked across many genres, including war, sci-fi, adventure, historical drama and animated). 


DADDY ISSUES


Spielberg’s parents

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25 Great Local News Interviewee Descriptions Of The Day

The only reason to watch local news. From Melanie H. and Uproxx.

Read More

Russian Ad Of The Day: Shark

Masters of subtlety, those Russians. Link from Jody Love.

Read More

OH HELL NO (NSFW)

Oh HELL no!

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Classic 70s Cut Of The Day: High

And now if you'll please clear the floor, this is couple's skate only. Couples skate only. Thank you.

Read More

LOTD Classic: Best Hair Salon Names Ever (Of The Day)

And you thought "Shear Beauty" was bad.


Where it's every stylist for himself


Does that cost extra?








How long will this take?


Huh? As in, fried?


A classic


Now I'm going to apply some warm lemon conditioner


For men. By men.




For the balding-old-man-in-a-beanie look




Huh?


Oooh girl, who did that to your hair?


Come get whacked!

Read More

Classic 70s Cut Of The Day: Sweet

I remember this tune well, but not this video--thank god. It's part Austin Powers, part Clockwork Orange. And what the fuck is a metamoPHORsees?
 

Read More

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Free Death Ray Parts

best of craigslist > st louis >
Free Death Ray parts 

Do you have a science degree? Do you think the world would be better if you could just be in charge? Do you want to show those fools at the academy?

I am listing a small selection of Death Ray parts as a service to the junior members of the mad science community. This includes a high voltage power supply, suitable for gauss cannon, tesla

Read More

How To Get Past An Awkward Moment (Of The Day)

From Liz.




Act like it didn't hurt




Stick with it




Ask for help




Act like you meant to do it




Make fun of yourself




Don't give up




Rock it off




Just keep walking



For some awkward moments, there is no recovery. Just come on out and face the music.







(More at Twisted Sifter.)

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News: SC Man Beats Disabled Man With His Own Prosthetic Leg

What? Not Florida?


South Carolina Man Arrested For Beating Disabled Man With His Own Prosthetic Leg

June 17, 2013

A disabled South Carolina man was pushed off a moped and then beaten with his own prosthetic leg by an assailant who was arrested early today for assault, cops charge.

According to a Myrtle Beach Police Department report, Jeffrey Johnson was riding his moped when Joel

Read More

Bandwiches Of The Day

From McSweeney's, by John Peck. Thanks for the link, Marianne. 


The Who: Roast beef, boiled guitar strings, dinner roll.

Rolling Stones: Beef tongue, caviar, platinum-coated fried onions, ketchup, white bread.

Black Sabbath: Ham, stilton, LSD mustard, milled wheat bread.

Van Halen: Grilled 17-cheese sandwich on white bread; side of nacho cheese soup.

Ted Nugent: Cubed Grizzly bear,

Read More

14 Really Lame Boat Names Of The Day

Okay, 12 lames ones. The first two, I like. The last one is the worst.

Read More

Epic Rap Battle: Frank Sinatra vs. Freddie Mercury

Don't watch if you are easily offended. The ERB vids pull no punches.

Read More

5 Movie Dads Who Rock (Of The Day)

One last nod to Father's Day from The Daily Beast.

BIG DADDY - KICK ASS


Damon Macready (Nicolas Cage)—or “Big Daddy”—is a former NYPD detective turned vigilante hero. He dresses up in a Batman-like suit and fights crime alongside his 11-year-old ass-kicking daughter, Hit Girl (Chloe Grace Moretz), whom he’s been training since she was a child to be a crime-fighting hero. In one scene, he

Read More

Weekend Links Of The Day

Good stuff that I didn't have time to steal.


74 things every great Star Wars movie needs (Wired)

Weirdness: symmetrical celebrities (The Chive)

11 songs that brought people out of comas (Mental Floss)

Area man: "I'd say my least least favorite part about being a restroom attendant is spending eight hours a day in a room where people defecate." (The Onion)

80s cereals you will never

Read More

News: Man Sues Doctor For Unrelenting Stiffy And Inflated Scrotum

The last line makes me think of that Wham! song. From the Mirror (UK).


Man sues doctor after 'botched' operation leaves him with eight-month erection and scrotum the size of a volleyball

Lawyers representing Daniel Metzgar say his constant erection meant that he was unable to carry out everyday chores including collecting his newspaper or riding his motorbike

12 Jun 2013--Truck driver

Read More

Amusing And Somewhat Inappropriate Tweets Of The Day

I really need to do more with my Twitter page.

Read More

Vid Of The Day: Tebow Signs With Patriots - Taiwanese Animation Version

I wish all news was like this.

Read More

Emo Animals Of The Day

It's not a phase, Mom. This is who I am.

Read More

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Oh My God

best of craigslist > new york >


Oh my god. Oh. My. God. 



Grab a paper bag, breathe into it and calm your ass down. You're hyperventilating because you ain't never seen a deal like this before.

Now collect yourself, then keep reading this incredible description that barely serves to do justice to my 2010 Felt Gridlock 3 speed fixed gear bike. 

Yes-- 3 SPEED FIXED GEAR! Also known as the

Read More

Photo Of The Day: Best Friends

I tried not to laugh. I failed. Thanks, Janis B.

Read More

Velociraptors Stalking Michael Buble Of The Day

It's like Where's Waldo? with claws. From the Tumblr blog.

















































(More here)

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Study: 83% Of Gamblers Quit Right Before They Would Have Hit The Big One

Sonofabitch! I knew it!

From The Onion.


Study: 83% Of Gamblers Quit Right Before They Would Have Hit The Big One

June 6, 2013

WASHINGTON—According to a study published Monday in the Journal Of Financial Economics, 83 percent of gamblers quit right before hitting the jackpot and striking it rich.

Lead researcher, Dr. Richard Howe of the University of Chicago, confirmed that 83 percent

Read More

Lionel Richie's Giant Head: Kickstarter Project Of The Day

So, these dudes on Kickstarter want to make a giant Lionel Richie head for this year's Bestival in the UK. But they need your support to do it--to the tune of about $7,622.


From the potential creators: "We started this ambitious and frankly odd public art project almost a year ago. Inspired by internet pop culture our goal was to make an installation that people could interact and talk with."

Read More

Rare Photos Of Actors Goofing Off Between Takes (Of The Day)

I like this kinda stuff.

Read More

Update: And Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Programming...Almost

Thanks for your patience while I have been traveling. LOTD will return to its usual output (4-5 posts daily) within the next couple of days.

Read More

Celine Dion Does Daft Punk

Ever wish you were blind? I'll ask you again after you watch this.

Read More

Chinese Photoshop Trolls Of The Day

This is what happens when you ask Weibo users to make you look cooler. 

From Buzzfeed.







More here.

Read More

May Motivational Poster Roundup

Our monthly review for the reading-impaired.

Read More

Amusing British Words Of The Day

(Thanks for your patience with spotty posts this week as I'm on holiday in the UK. In recognition of my travels I give you this oldie but goodie. - CM)

Not mine, Merriam-Webster's. Mine are guv'na, gor blimey and bollocks. Jiggery-pokery... nothing at all what I thought it was. Ditto boffin (the apostrophe makes a difference: boffin'). I thought pukka was a type of bead.



From M-W: "

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Pics Of The Day: Forever Alone

Aww.

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8 People Who Blindly Followed Their GPS Into Disaster (Of The Day)

Sorry, folks, the GPS doesn't know you're morons.

From The Week.


Driving into the bay
Three Japanese tourists in Australia used their GPS to drive to North Stradbroke Island, just off the coast of Brisbane. But what the machine didn't account for was the nine miles of water dividing the island from the mainland. The road turned to gravel, then to thick mud, then to gentle laps of water

Read More

Celebrity Name Puns Of The Day

Love these. From Buzzfeed.





































































More here.

Read More

News: Mom Has Son Arrested For Stealing Her Pop-Tarts

Bitch be cray. The next time I feel like a crappy parent, I'm going to think of her.

From the Charlotte Observer.


Mom has son arrested for stealing her Pop-Tarts

A Charlotte woman had her son arrested for stealing her Pop-Tarts earlier this week.


According to a Charlotte-Mecklenburg police report, the mother called investigators on Monday to report her Pop-Tarts had been stolen from her

Read More

Unfortunately Marked Animals Of The Day

Some are worse than others.

Dick the cat



Phantom of The Opurrra

In case he forgets what he is

Whoa! Mind f**k!

Puppy puppy

Holy cow!

You poor bastard

Kitler
Lil' Kitler

Aww

Worried cat is worried

Scorcese cat

Read More

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Menopausal Woman With Car For Sale

craigslist > fort myers >



Menopausal woman with nasty temper has '85 Grand Prix for sale


Let's answer some questions before I describe the car, as there seems to be a bit of confusion:

1. NO, it is not a "condo-car" that's been garaged all its natural life. It's a $600 car.

2. YES, the odometer reads 24k miles, but I am VERY certain it has rolled over and it's actually 124k

Read More

Photoshopped Corporate Takeovers Of The Day

From a contest on Worth1000. A couple of these are in bad taste--consider yourself warned.

Read More

LOTD Classic: Pop Music's 20 Worst Lyrics Of The Day

List from Spinner.com. Commentary from me.

20. ELTON JOHN - "Your Song"

"If I was a sculptor/But then again, no."

Who gives a shit? Get on with it. We don't have all day.


19. SHAKIRA - "Whenever, Wherever"

"Lucky that my breasts/Are small and humble/So you don't confuse/Them with mountains."

Humble? No breasts should be humble. They should be loud and proud.


18. 50 CENT - "21

Read More

Cool Thing Of The Day: Rock And Roll Haircuts T-Shirt

Click pic to link.

Read More

News: Burglars Pick Wrong Home, Wrong State For Home Invasion

Brilliance. "Let's invade a home... IN TEXAS. What could possibly go wrong?

From Gawker.


Burglars Unwittingly Put Victim In Gun Closet; He Comes Out Shooting

May 17, 2013

HOUSTON--The victim of a home invasion managed to turn the tables on his attackers after they unwittingly forced him into his own gun closet.

The unidentified man was in his Houston home on Tuesday when three

Read More

News: Coworker Who Went To Gym This Morning A Chipper Little F**ker

From The Onion. It's an Onion kinda day, I guess.


Coworker Who Went To Gym This Morning A Chipper Little Fucker

May 17, 2013
 
BROOKLYN, NY—Running his hands through his freshly showered hair while hanging his backpack on the back of his chair, unbearably chipper little motherfucker Dave Mooreland, 31, enthusiastically greeted coworkers this morning after arriving straight from the gym,

Read More

Stories From The Onion As Interpreted By Facebook Users (Of The Day)

Laugh now, then weep for the future. From Literally Unbelievable.












More here.

Read More

News: Man Arrested For Solicitation On Honeymoon

What a fun phone call that must have been.

From The Smoking Gun.


Man Celebrates Wedding By Getting Arrested For Soliciting Hooker On His Honeymoon

Meet Mohammed Ahmed.

The 21-year-old was one of scores of men arrested in a prostitution sweep conducted last week by the Polk County Sheriff’s Office in Florida. According to investigators, the alleged john answered an online ad posted by an

Read More

Models Falling On The Catwalk Of The Day

It's wrong to laugh at people falling. That's what makes it so fun.

A couple of these are NSFW-ish.





























Hey, don't walk th---



I still love this classic...

Read More

News: Dude With Knit Hat At Party Calls Beer ‘Libations’

From The Onion.


Dude With Knit Hat At Party Calls Beer ‘Libations’

PROVIDENCE, RI—Sources attending a house party on Governor Street confirmed that the dude with the knit hat has been referring to the supply of beer as “libations” throughout the night. 

“The night is young, my friends—enough libations for everyone,” said the guy whose sideburns poked out from beneath the wool cap and whose

Read More

"Parks And Recreation" Cast as Justice League Heroes Of The Day

Why? Because she can. (She = artist Vicky Trochez).














More here.

Buy them here.

Read More

Gravity-Free Cover Song Of The Day: Space Oddity

In case you haven't seen this one yet, here's astronaut Chris Hadfield channeling David Bowie aboard the International Space Station. At the end of the year when they do a list of 2013's best videos, this one will be on it.

Read More

Nailed It! 11 Animated Gifs of Talent

I always think about the learning curve on stuff like this, and it makes my bones ache.

Read More

Weird Effin' Movie Of The Day

70s + Clint glaring + Lucille Bluth = WIN. Before Fatal Attraction, there was... 

Read More

News: Rich Assholes Hire Handicapped Tour Guides So Kids Can Cut Lines At Disney

"This is how the one percent does Disney." Please get hit by a bus.

From the NY Post.


Rich Manhattan moms hire handicapped tour guides so kids can cut lines at Disney World

by Tara Palmeri
May 14, 2013

They are 1 percenters who are 100 percent despicable.

Some wealthy Manhattan moms have figured out a way to cut the long lines at Disney World — by hiring disabled people to pose as

Read More

Top 25 Troy McClure Film Credits Of The Day

This is Troy McClure. You might remember him from such feature films as....

The Boatjacking of Supership '79

The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel

Dial M for Murderousness

Give My Remains to Broadway

Good-Time Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great 'Frisco Freak-Out'

The Greatest Story Ever Hula-ed

Hitler Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Leper in the Backfield

Read More

Awesome Farewell/Out Of Office Message Of The Day

Supposedly real. I hope so. Very clevah. And almost as effective as an angry "FUCK ALL Y'ALL!" as you storm out.

Read More

28 Super-Cool Mona Lisa Spoofs Of The Day

Groucho and Ozzy win for me.

Read More

News: Russian Gymnast Has World's Strongest Vagina

Reminds me of the old Eddie Murphy bit about having sex with Mr. T.

From The Sun (UK).


Russian Gymnast Has the World's Strongest Vagina

March 8, 2013

Tatyana Kozhevnikovam, who holds the Guinness World Record for vagina weightlifting, can lift a 30-pound kettlebell using nothing but her private parts.

Most women use it for sex, some use it to play ping-pong, blow out birthday candles

Read More

News: Woman Stabs Boyfriend For Farting In Her Face

And I bet during the argument somebody used the word disrespect as a verb, which makes me stabby.

From The Smoking Gun.
Only In Florida: Suspect, 37, Stabbed Boyfriend After He "Farted In Her Face"

A Florida woman explained to cops that she stabbed her boyfriend after he purposefully passed gas in her general direction.

Deborah Ann Burns, 37, told police that she was watching TV Tuesday

Read More

People Of The Chicago Transit Authority (Of The Day)

I thought Atlanta public transit was bad. We got nothin' on Chicago.

Link from Mike Bergeron.



BYOC



'Cuz this is Thriller, Thriller Night





D'OH! Missed it by THAT much.

Why is Mrs. Kool Aid wearing a Hawaiian Punch shirt?





Not the best way to catch the bus, but hey, whatever works.




(More here.)

Read More

News: Spirit Airlines Is The F**king Worst, Says FAA

From The Onion.


FAA Report: Spirit Airlines Is The Fucking Worst

WASHINGTON—According to a new report released Tuesday by the Federal Aviation Administration, Spirit Airlines, the American low-cost air carrier, is the absolute fucking worst and is actually a giant fucking rip-off.

The 250-page report, which repeatedly calls the entire airline a goddamn scam, openly questions how in the hell

Read More

Weird People Wearing Animal Masks Of The Day

giggle shudder giggle shudder

Inspired by this Craiglist ad.


"My day was fine. Why do you keep asking?"
 Yikes! Al Roker's gaining weight again.

"I don't understand the confusion. This is basic engineering, people."
"This isn't the Feingold bar mitzvah, is it?"
"Nope."


"We must never speak of this party again."
"I feel like I'm getting burned."


I know you're feeling a lot

Read More

Discarded Lines from Robert Palmer’s “Simply Irresistible”

From McSweeney's.


Discarded Lines from Robert Palmer’s 1988 Hit, “Simply Irresistible”

By Chris Clancy

“She floats like a dirigible”

“Her voice is oddly guttural”

“That pothole’s unavoidable”

“Old Play-Doh is less malleable”

“Black licorice is terrible”

“Her hair’s as blonde as Martin Mull’s”

“I think I’ll try a Lunchables”

“That Hägar’s not so horrible”

“Red wine will stain

Read More

News: Peeping Toms Busted After Falling Through Bathroom Ceiling

Brilliant. I guess there was no Mensa meeting that night and these two got bored.

Best FB comment: "What movie was so boring?"

From The Smoking Gun.


Peepers Busted After Falling Through Ceiling

APRIL 30--A pair of Georgia men seeking to secretly ogle some undressed women crashed through the ceiling of a movie theater restroom in a peeping Tom operation gone awry, police charge.

The

Read More

Granny Guitar Heroes Of The Day

Rock out with your frock out, Grandma! I don't know what songs they're playing so I'm taking some wild guesses.


"Hocus Pocus" - Focus


"Ace of Spades" - Motörhead


"Donna" - Ritchie Valens


"Misirlou" - Dick Dale


"Brown Sugar" - The Rolling Stones


"Jack U Off" - Prince


"Still They Ride" - Journey


"Hair Of The Dog" - Nazareth


"The Spirit Of Radio" - Rush


"Wild Thing" -

Read More

If Internet Memes Were Movie Stars (Of The Day)

Cleverness from The Shiznit. Thanks, Elliott, for the link.



































(More here.)

Read More

News Of The Day: Carrying A Guitar Will Help You Get Laid

You don't even have to play it. From the DailyMail (UK).


Scientists find that carrying a guitar increases your chance of getting a date by a third

by Victoria Woollaston
May 7, 2013

Carrying a guitar can increase the chances of you getting a date by a third, according to a study by researchers from the University of South Brittany.

The study found that women were 31% more likely to give

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Badly Translated Signs In Foreign Airports Of The Day

Engrish: still funny.

















You don't need to know what they are.







The money is for their parents.










Rubs the lotion on its skin. Does this when it's told.







That could mean many things. None of them good.













Oldster

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Hero Of The Day: Charles

Rock on, Chuck. You give good TV. Not quite Sweet Brown, but close.

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Cool Art: Coen Brothers Movie Posters Of The Day

Great stuff from artist Chet Phillips.












More great pieces here, and not just Coen Brothers movies.

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April Found Porn Roundup

Every FPOTD from last month, courtesy of Rich Girl Red, Rachael, Chris, Natalie, David, Smauge, and Frannie.

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Faceptions Of The Day

One face, lots of people. Kinda funny, kinda creepy. From WildAmmo.

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Old People Wearing Vegetation Of The Day

Why? I don't know. Dementia? The promise of soup? It's the internet--there is no why.

From Sad & Useless.
































(More here.)

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Commercial Of The Day: Shift It

Shift it? No. Shoot it. Although I will admit that I loved this guy on Barnaby Jones. Nobody played "Pederast #2" with more conviction.

Thanks (?) for this, Movie Guru.

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April Motivational Poster Roundup

Our monthly review of the all the MPOTDs (sidebar) from the previous month. 

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Prank Of The Day: Exercise Ball

Probably staged but still funny.

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Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Hot Tub Party

(An LOTD classic. And very nasty, so don't read it if you have a nervous stomach.)

best of craigslist > california > berkeley



hot tub group release (berkeley)
 
Date: 2005-12-08, 10:51PM PST

Let's keep this simple. I have a hot tub on Euclid. I am having a group release party on December 28th. Everybody is welcome (last time was all men which was fun but I would really like to get some

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Tiny People Street Art Of The Day

From confusababel on Tumblr.

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Humor Site Of The Day: CheckMating

A hilarious dating site spoof from a long-time FOLOTD. Check it out.










Lots more at CheckMating.

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Helpful Chart Of The Day: Spanking

Learn the facts before you smack dat ass.

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Pictures Of Hipsters Taking Pictures Of Their Food (Of The Day)

Yes, please show us what you're having for dinner. We care.

From Visual News (a site no doubt run by--yep--hipsters).
































(more here)

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News: NASA Drew A Giant Penis In The Sand On Mars

It's pointing directly at Uranus.

From Gizmodo.


NASA Drew This Giant Penis on the Surface of Mars

Apparently, this drawing of the male genitals etched into the surface of Mars—which has popped up on NASA's website—was just an amusing accident. 

Either that, or a very dirty-minded individual got hold of the controls of NASA's aging Opportunity Mars rover--as if it wasn't bad enough that

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10 Celebrities Mourned Before Their Time

This has been going on forever. When I was a kid it was Mikey from the Life cereal commercials who was falsely declared dead (after ingesting the lethal combination of Pop Rocks candy and Coca-Cola, which was rumored to make you explode). Since then, everyone from Dustin "Screech" Diamond to Justin Bieber to Bon Jovi have been pronounced dead when they weren't. At some point you see these things

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WTF Radio News Broadcast Of The Day

The show must go on. And I must stop laughing before I hurt myself.From RadioFail. Click the pic to listen.

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Cholas Of The Day

Chola = Hispanic gangsta girl who will cut you.

From Cholafied.





















Chobacca




















(More here)

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Breaking Bad, 1995 Style

The show's intro recut as a 90s family drama. Nicely done.

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Pics Of The Day: Thumbs & Ammo

From the blog with this motto: "Real tough guys don't need guns, they just need a positive, can-do attitude."






































More here.

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News: Movie Characters Pass Through Pamplona On The One Week Bulls Run

From The Onion.


Movie Characters Happen To Pass Through Pamplona On The One Week That Bulls Run

PAMPLONA, SPAIN—In a dangerous and completely coincidental confluence of events, three vacationing American movie characters were reportedly almost trampled to death when they just happened to pass through the center of Pamplona, Spain during the one week the running of the bulls takes place.

“

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Video Game Matchup: Street Fighter vs Madden Football

That extra point should be worth another six.

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Brian May Holding Animals (Of The Day)

The man likes furry things. With hair like that, how could he not?




Baby fox




Badger




Deer




Dog




Another fox




Hedgehog




Sedated lion




Another badger




Pudsey, mascot of UK's Children In Need




Another dog




Another fox




Steve the Stag (Surrey U. mascot)




Teddy bear


Brian's an animal activist, hence all the photos.

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Cool Stanley Kubrick Cinemagraphs (Of The Day)

Iconic moving images from Kubrick's best movies. From FilmmakerIQ.

Filmmaker IQ: "Cinemagraphs are still photographs in which a minor and repeated movement action occurs. The term 'cinemagraph' was coined by U.S. photographers Kevin Burg and Jamie Beck, who used the technique to animate their fashion and news photographs beginning in early 2011." In other words, it's a fancy name for

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Contrite Bike Thief Of The Day

From MSN.


Drunk thief returns bike with letter of explanation, Domino's voucher

According to Redditor "seenic," he found his bike in his yard three days after it was stolen with this letter of contrition and a Domino's coupon. 

The bike owner said he "ain't even mad" about the theft, understandably so. Turns out it wasn't stolen, just "borrowed" by a drunk in need. Besides, that free lava

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Weird Stuff That Actually Exists (Of The Day)

Some Mother's Day gift ideas for ya. You're welcome.

From Izismile. Link from Dawn B.




Nic Cage Hair Board




Chinese fingertrap handbags







Pee Wee Herman Biking Suit




Gamer Bathroom







Lobster phone case




Mandela air freshener




This sweater


(See more here)

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News: Teachers banned from using red ink to grade tests because it "upsets kids"

From the Telegraph (UK).


Teachers told they must not use red ink for marking homework in case it upsets pupils
 
22 April 2013

Teachers at a secondary school in London have been told they must not use red ink when marking homework in case it upsets pupils.

The move was condemned as "political correctness gone wild" and ministers were forced to deny the Government issues guidelines on the

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Cat Dressed As A Shark Riding A Roomba While Chasing A Duck Of The Day

Not much else to say, really, except I wish it were longer. Which is also what she said.

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Movie Poster Clichés Of The Day

From Demilked, which sounds somehow pornographic but isn't. Click any pic for a larger view.

Two stars back to back

Big face, big font

Sunglasses reflection

Justice is blind

A face from other objects

In bed

Loner from behind with weapon

Through the legs

See more here.

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Vents Of The Day

The Vent is a column in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution
(or Urinal-Constipation, as it's called around here) where people can
bitch anonymously about stuff. Here are some of the better entries of
late. 

I
object and take exception to everyone saying that Congress is spending
money like a drunken sailor. As a former drunken sailor, I quit when I
ran out of money. Let
me get this straight

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16 Brands Of Cereal I Wouldn't Eat

We can talk about it later at the Honeycomb hideout.


Honey Bunches Of Goats
Shredded Feet
Corn Poops
Pooty Frebbles
Count Fuckula
Scrotal (flakes)
Wankin' Berries
Honey Nut Clusterfuck
Apple Sacs
Lice Krispies
Wookiee Crisp
Dingleberry Crunch
Ape Nuts
Cap'n Cunt
Nut'n Bitch!
Raisin Gland

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Self-Reliant Child Of The Day

Don't worry about her. Worry about yourself.

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Viral Photo/Story Of The Day: The Olive Garden Menu Fort Won't Save You

Bad things happen when you take a date to the Olive Garden.

From Gawker.


'Grown-Ass Man' Builds Olive Garden Menu Fort to Hide from Girlfriend

Adam Howell was at an Olive Garden in Charlotte last night when he overheard a couple at a nearby table quarreling

Looking over, he couldn't help but admire how the disagreement was ultimately resolved.

"A grown ass man is mad at his girlfriend

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Inappropriate Kids' Shirts Of The Day

None of these tops the worst baby t-shirt I ever saw.

From Buzzfeed.















































More here.

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Honest Disney Movies Of The Day

From TheFW.






















(More here)

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Shred Of The Day: Kenny G and Michael B.

I can't breathe. Thanks for this, Natalie Davis.

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Obnoxious Tweets Of The Day

Die. All of you. Or tell me you're joking.All from Tweeting Too Hard.

Let's
play a little game just for fun. What would be poetic justice for any
of these people? I'd laugh if, while examining someone's bookcase when
they were "in the bathroom," David Rankin failed to notice them
sneaking up behind him with a raised ax, about to lop off his superior
head.

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"The Walking Dead" Memes Of The Day

If you don't watch the show, your loss, hoss. If you do watch it but aren't up to date, you might want to skip this. SPOILERS GALORE!

From Buzzfeed.
























































(More here)

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News: North Korean Missile Test Delayed by Windows 8

From The Borowitz Report.


PYONGYANG—North Korea’s official news agency announced today that the military’s planned missile test had been put on hold because of “problems with Windows 8.”

Intelligence analysts said that the announcement gave rare insight into the inner workings of North Korea’s missile program, which until last year had been running on Windows 95.

The announcement from the

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11 Things That Look Like Darth Vader (And 6 That Don't)

From Maxim, College Humor and more.

OBI-WAN HAS TAUGHT THEM WELL


Darth balloon


Darth-o-Lantern


Darth lamp


Darthbucks


Darth toast


Darthgoyle


Darth coffee mug


Darth Tater


Darthigami


You have fried me for the last time


Disco Darth


DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE SUCK SIDE

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Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Prosthetic Leg On The Bus

best of craigslist > portland >

Did you leave a prosthetic leg on the bus this morning? - w4m

I found a prosthetic leg wearing a Lucchese brand cowboy boot on the bus this morning. I'm not sure what brand the leg is, but it's only the shin and foot portion and it's not mechanical looking.

Rather, it looks semi-real--almost like it could be from a giant plastic doll or something. Here's a

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Worse Cooks Than You Of The Day

Some of these confuse bad cooking with idiocy.

From Buzzfeed.





















































More here.

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News: Woman Stalked By Serial Bicycle-Seat Wanker

What, sniffing them isn't good enough anymore? What's the world coming on to? Might as well put one of these on the seat.

From Copenhagen Post.


Woman stalked by serial bicycle-seat wanker

A young woman has in five instances gotten off the train by Mørdrup Station in north Zealand only to find that a man has masturbated onto her bicycle seat.

The saddle-polishing perpetrator has so far

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Forgotten 80s Videogames Of The Day

More nerdy goodness from TheFW. For all the hours I spent in game arcades in the early 80s, I don't remember any of these. I thought they might include titles like Q-Bert or Food Fight or that cops & robbers game whose name escapes me because it was a total Pac-Man ripoff.

DONKEY KONG 3

Unbeknownst to most gamers, there was a third entry in the original Donkey Kong arcade saga. The reason that

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Movie Monster Comparison Poster Of The Day

From Geekstir, an aptly named site when you read the comments and see all the nerds arguing about which ones are wrong. Cue nerd voice: "This is wrong. I did some research. The original Kong stands 25 feet in height while the Rancor is 16 feet in height, although in meters, if the the scale is dependent on BLAH BLAH BLAH DORK DORK DORK WHO FUCKIN CARES?!"

I say "close enough to be amusing" and

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WTF Invention Of The Day

Ya know, eggs aren't really that hard to cook. Even if they were, I would rather eat them from a pan than from this egg rectum (reggtum?) that shits out an egg turd on a stick.

Thanks (?) for the link, Steve Henderson.

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Thug Kitchen Foods Of The Day

Profanely informative. With recipes, even!

Link from Rachael.




















More at Thug Kitchen.

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Lil' Shredder Of The Day

Sweet child plays Sweet Child O' Mine.

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Celebs Who Turned Down "Dancing With The Stars"

Turns out some of them have a little dignity after all.


Here are the people who politely told DWTS to shove it, and why they did (when known).

Jamie Lee Curtis - “My family commitments are such that I wouldn't have the time for it...but it definitely made me go, 'Hmmm.' It was fun to think about it."

Sylvester Stallone

Tim Allen

Chelsea Handler Jennifer Beals

- “You could back up a truck

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Unintentionally (?) Naughty Cartoon Moments Of The Day

From the incomparable Chi Chi Larue.

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News: Woman Assaults Boyfriend Who Would Not Stop Singing "Thrift Store" Song

I can relate. From The Smoking Gun.


Cops: Woman, 23, Assaulted Boyfriend Because He Would Not Stop Singing "Thrift Shop" Song

Angered that her boyfriend would not stop singing that catchy “Thrift Shop” song by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, a Colorado woman allegedly choked and pushed her beau during a confrontation early Saturday.

Samantha Malson, 23, was arrested by the Longmont Police

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Furbied Album Covers Of The Day

Clever but just a little creepy. From Furby Living.

btw...I'm on vacation this week with the family so posting will be spotty. Thanks for your patience.




























More here.

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LOTD Classic: Velvet Paintings Of The Day

One from the early days.

 
Not Elvis. k.d. lang


Jesus and Gene Simmons with Elvis' hair. Notice which one has the angelic glow.


Jesus watching over a big rig. Or maybe it's just a big rig carrying a giant Jesus statue to Heritage USA. Or maybe it's not Jesus at all, but an Allman brother, showing us the model truck he just finished building.


Not Jesus, but close: Willie Nelson. With Elvis'

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News: Fallen Firefighter Remembered As Idiot Who Sucked At His Job

They can't all be heroes. From The Onion.


Fallen Firefighter Remembered As Idiot Who Sucked At His Job

LENEXA, KS—Hundreds gathered for a somber memorial service Thursday in honor of Stuart D’Abarno, 31, a firefighter killed in a residential blaze whom colleagues remember as an incompetent waste of space who couldn’t fight fire for shit.

According to the Lenexa Fire Department, D’Abarno

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Excellent TV News Captions Of The Day, Vol. 3

Most from local newscasts, which explains everything.




Lots of navel-gazing takes place there.




...and makes a stink.






So will I if it looks like that!












...and liked it.




How big wa--- oh, never mind.

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Bra Types Of The Day

BOOBIES! Sorta. Close enough.

From Daisy and LOLdamn.

















(More here.)

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Custom Product Of The Day: Soul Portraits

"I am proud to offer the unique *magical* service of Erial Ali creating a Celestial Soul Portrait of YOU!" -- artist Erial Ali.
How it works:

1. Erial will send you a questionnaire to find out about you: your interests, your passions, your fascinations, how you "see" yourself, and other clues to your higher celestial personality.

2. You send Erial a high-resolution photo of yourself, an image

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Bizarre Dying Wishes Of The Day

From CBC.

ANDRE "POOR YORICK" TCHAIKOWSKY


Before pianist André Tchaíkowsky of Poland died of cancer in 1982, he asked that his body be donated to science. He also asked that his skull be used to portray Yorick in a performance of Hamlet.

For many years, Tchaíkowsky's skull had been used in rehearsals of Hamlet in Stratford-upon-Avon, England, but never in an actual performance. Cue David

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American Psycho Redux

I've wanted to this to Weird Al for years.

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Amusing Store Nicknames Of The Day

Nicknames for some of my favorite retailers. Some I made up, others I heard (from you, in some cases, the first time I posted this). If I slam your favorite eatery or store, here's a tissue. I hate the word eatery, btw.

Got some of your own? Speak up.

 
RED LOBSTER 
Dead Lobster
Led Robster
Fish Stickster

POTTERY BARN
Robbery Barn

CRACKER BARREL
Honkey Bucket

APPLEBEE'S
Crapplebee's

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News: STD Had Awesome Time On Spring Break

From The Onion, of course.


STD Had Awesome Time On Spring Break

PANAMA CITY, FL—Following a weeklong vacation in Florida, local sexually transmitted disease gonorrhea announced it had an awesome time during this year’s spring break. 

“Oh man, PCB was the best—I was at a new party practically every night and met a ton of cool people,” said the common bacteria-based genital tract infection,

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March Motivational Poster Roundup

"You gotta keep 'em motivated." - The Offspring

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News: Gate To Hell Found In Turkey

Archaeologists in Philly, Detroit, and Chuck E Cheese's pack up their tools and go home.

From NBC News.


Pluto's 'Gate to Hell' Uncovered in Turkey

By Rossella Lorenzi
Discovery News

A “gate to hell” has emerged from ruins in southwestern Turkey, Italian archaeologists have announced.

Known as Pluto's Gate -- Ploutonion in Greek, Plutonium in Latin -- the cave was celebrated as the

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Nasty Candies Of The Day

From Spinderfella and Candy Addict.

White Chocolate Maggots

White chocolate is nasty by itself; shape it like a maggot and you've got a winner. They look more like grubs than maggots--not that it really matters.

Hose Nose

Strap the plastic nose dispenser to your face and catch the oozing candy slime with your tongue, like you used to do when you were three.

Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor

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News: South Carolina Defends Right To Fly Hardee's Flag From State Capitol

From The Onion.


South Carolina Defends Right To Fly Hardee's Flag From State Capitol

COLUMBIA, SC—Faced with mounting pressure from critics who say it sends the wrong message about the state, residents of South Carolina have mounted a vociferous defense of their right to fly the Hardee’s flag from the top of their capitol building, reports confirmed Thursday.

According to many South

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WTF School Yearbook Quotes Of The Day

Just pretend that half of these aren't Photoshopped.

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Kung-Fu Grandpa Of The Day

With narration. Excellent narration.

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Open Letter Of The Day: Applebee's Wants You To Know That It Is Not Immune To Your Barbs

From McSweeney's.


Applebee’s Just Wants You to Know That It Is Not Immune To Your Barbs

By Pete Reynolds

Look, it’s not like Applebee’s hasn’t heard the jokes. Applebee’s is not some out-of-touch square with no ears for hearing or feelings for feeling things. 

Applebee’s is a restaurant. An honest-to-goodness, flesh-and-blood-and-Potato-Twisters restaurant who is right here—right everywhere,

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March "Found Porn" Roundup

Hey, don't look at me; you dirty bastards send me this stuff. I'm talking to you, Willie, Rachael, Donna, Jody, Bozospace, Jill, Laura, Bad Beth, ChrisP, Cyndi, and Lex.


















90 degrees, baby.








...ass?




I know what I'm getting One Direction for Christmas.

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Nic Cage Pokemon Of The Day

From the Tumblr blog.





































More here.

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Shred Of The Day: I Get Around

I love starting my Friday with tears of laughter.

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Professional Service Of The Day: Rent A Mourner

From CBC News.


'Rent a Mourner' fills your funeral with fake friends

March 27, 2013

It's a niggling question familiar to anyone who has ever thrown a party; What if nobody shows up?

A new company in the U.K. is addressing - and capitalizing upon - that fear by promising to ensure your last gathering on earth is a very well attended one.

Rent-a-mourner, based in Essex, hires out actors

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Dead Naturalists Of The Day

Something a little different from The Species Seekers and author Richard Conniff (via this blog). Who knew that naturalism is such a dangerous business? At least most of these folks died doing what they loved; that's the way I want to go--hunched over my computer typing "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID," or sitting on my ass playing Call Of Duty and eating Popchips.


ERIC YORK (1970-2007), biologist killed

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Actresses Without Teeth Of The Day

This one's making the rounds. Thanks, Jody, Anthony, and Julie for the link.

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News: Man Assaults Roommate For Drawing Penis On Face While He Was Passed Out

Some people have no sense of humor. He's not the first person to get shit done to him after passing out.

From The Smoking Gun.


Cops: Man Assaulted Roommate Who Drew Penis On His Face After He Passed Out

March 26, 2013

Meet James Watson.

The 31-year-old Virginia man fell asleep on his couch early Saturday after an evening of heavy drinking. While Watson was incapacitated, one of his

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Dr. Who Theme Covered On Electric Harps By Twins Of The Day

Okay, well, um.

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One Letter Off: Photoshops Of The Day

Entries in a contest on Worth1000.

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Meme Of The Day: I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

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News: Coworker Running NCAA Tournament Pool Really Relishing His One Week Of Significance

From The Onion.
Coworker Running NCAA Tournament Pool Really Relishing His One Week Of Significance

March 25, 2013

EVENSVILLE, TN—According to sources at local public relations firm Dolan-Cassidy, employee Ian Novak, 38, is positively basking in the solitary week of importance he experiences as organizer of his office’s NCAA Tournament pool.

“Hey, close call for Miami last night,” said

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Crappy Attorney Ads Of The Day

I'm gonna sue all these people for pain and suffering.


I'm pretty sure the people in that car don't need an attorney anymore. Or ever.



Dramatization? No way.



The way he says "Don't urinate on my leg and tell me it's raining" makes me want to urinate on his leg and tell him I'm urinating on his leg.



BMT? Should be BLT.





I'll pay you to stop singing.



Hmm, seems a little bitter.

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Epic Rap Battle Of The Day: Bruce Lee vs Clint Eastwood (NSFW)

Go ahead, make my iPod. NSFW (language).

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News: Pair Arrested In Georgia Rabbit Hoarding Incident

Cocoa Puffs for everyone!

From The Smoking Gun.


Pair Arrested In Georgia Rabbit Hoarding Incident

MARCH 19--Police who showed up last month at a Georgia home in search of a woman wanted for a probation violation came across an unbelievable sight when they discovered three adults and a 9-year-old child living in what they described as "a 'hoarding' site for rabbits."

A grotesque

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Poorly Placed Ads Of The Day (Vol. 3)

You might find a couple of these offensive. Have some coffee first, and maybe even a biscuit. Some are faked, too.
























































Want more? Check out Vol. 1 and Vol. 2.

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LOTD Classic: Hilariously Bad Police Sketches

I urge all citizens to be on the lookout for...


Mr. Spock


Enik the Sleestak

 

Gort

 

The bass player in Blue Oyster Cult


Sasquatch in drag


Chewbacca


Guy who needs to add Bounce to his laundry


My hoodie is a vagina


Steve Buscemi


Steve Martin eating flat noodles. Poorly.

Kid Rock


Pablo from Pablo Cruise


Hunter S. Thompson


The love child of Karl Rove and Moby


John

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News: Teen Arrested For Yellling "Bingo!" In Crowded Bingo Hall

"They take their bingo very seriously."

From Today.


Teen arrested for yelling 'bingo!' in crowded hall

March 21, 2013

For one young prankster, bingo spells t-r-o-u-b-l-e.

Austin Whaley was arrested after busting in on a crowded bingo hall in Covington, Ky., filled with elderly women. The 18-year-old yelled “bingo,” and the hall erupted in chaos.

“When they realized it wasn’t a real

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Random Celebrity Encounters Of The Day

From Did I Ever Tell You About The Time..., a UK-based blog where people detail random encounters with recording artists.

LOU REED GLARED AT ME IN AN AIRPORT



Lou Reed was standing right in front of me at the security check-in queue on my way to Berlin. When I realized it was him, I blurted out loud: “No way, it’s Lou Fucking Reed!” He overheard that, turned around and glared at me. I felt

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Boob Puppets Of The Day (NSFW)

From the blog, Tit Thinks It's People.






Pebbles






Titney Spears






Skeleboob






The Breast Star






Stephen King's tIt






Black metal boobie






Carrie






E.T.: The Extra Breast-trial






Mickey & Minnie






Hannipple Lecter






Psychoboob




See more here.

.

Read More

News: Macaulay Culkin Hoping Some 'Funny Or Die' Writer Comes Up With Video Idea For Him

From The Onion.


Macaulay Culkin Hoping Some 'Funny Or Die' Writer Comes Up With Video Idea For Him

LOS ANGELES—Saying that it would likely be amusing and very popular, actor Macaulay Culkin told reporters Tuesday that he hopes staff writers at the website Funny Or Die are currently coming up with ideas for a parody video he could star in.

“There has to be someone over there in his late 20s

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Awful, Frightening Celeb Fan Art Of The Day

Good God. I use the terms "fan" and "art" loosely here.I don't know who half of these are supposed to be. Luckily some are labeled for us. The others? Your guess is as good as mine.

Read More

Totally Bitchin' Name Of The Day (And An Announcement)

This the greatest name I have ever heard. Dickens would be proud.



For more real people with great names (like this guy and this woman), check out my new Tumblr blog, Great Name, Bro!

Read More