'Rent a Mourner' fills your funeral with fake friends
March 27, 2013
It's a niggling question familiar to anyone who has ever thrown a party; What if nobody shows up?
A new company in the U.K. is addressing - and capitalizing upon - that fear by promising to ensure your last gathering on earth is a very well attended one.
Something a little different from The Species Seekers and author Richard Conniff (via this blog). Who knew that naturalism is such a dangerous business? At least most of these folks died doing what they loved; that's the way I want to go--hunched over my computer typing "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID," or sitting on my ass playing Call Of Duty and eating Popchips.
From The Onion. Coworker Running NCAA Tournament Pool Really Relishing His One Week Of Significance
March 25, 2013
EVENSVILLE, TN—According to sources at local public relations firm Dolan-Cassidy, employee Ian Novak, 38, is positively basking in the solitary week of importance he experiences as organizer of his office’s NCAA Tournament pool.
MARCH 19--Police who showed up last month at a Georgia home in search of a woman wanted for a probation violation came across an unbelievable sight when they discovered three adults and a 9-year-old child living in what they described as "a 'hoarding' site for rabbits."
Teen arrested for yelling 'bingo!' in crowded hall
March 21, 2013
For one young prankster, bingo spells t-r-o-u-b-l-e.
Austin Whaley was arrested after busting in on a crowded bingo hall in Covington, Ky., filled with elderly women. The 18-year-old yelled “bingo,” and the hall erupted in chaos.
From Did I Ever Tell You About The Time..., a UK-based blog where people detail random encounters with recording artists.
LOU REED GLARED AT ME IN AN AIRPORT
Lou Reed was standing right in front of me at the security check-in queue on my way to Berlin. When I realized it was him, I blurted out loud: “No way, it’s Lou Fucking Reed!” He overheard that, turned around and glared at me. I felt
Macaulay Culkin Hoping Some 'Funny Or Die' Writer Comes Up With Video Idea For Him
LOS ANGELES—Saying that it would likely be amusing and very popular, actor Macaulay Culkin told reporters Tuesday that he hopes staff writers at the website Funny Or Die are currently coming up with ideas for a parody video he could star in.
“There has to be someone over there in his late 20s
Good God. I use the terms "fan" and "art" loosely here.I don't know who half of these are supposed to be. Luckily some are labeled for us. The others? Your guess is as good as mine.
When there was no foie gras, we ate barbecue. From a can. How was it, you might ask? It's BBQ in a can--how do you think it was? Nasty as hell. It also had little bits of bone and hoof in it. We found a thumbtack in one can.
My white trash childhood menu started with two staples:
White (honky) bread Ground beef by the metric fuckton. It took three of us to carry the massive meatlog to the car.
Apologies for the slackery over the last couple of days. Other duties called. Here's a bunch of good stuff to make up for it.
Real people with really bad names. My new Tumblr blog: Great Name, Bro!
18 movie villains that were way too easy to defeat. Like the stupid aliens in Signs who can be killed by water, so naturally they invade a planet that is almost 70% H2O. (io9)
Oh hell no. These human-shaped lamps are called Embarakiya, which is Portuguese for "where serial killers hide as they wait for you to get home from work." Even worse--you have to shake the hand to turn on the light. No thank you.
From Incredible Things.
Perfect for the bathroom. Looks great on the toilet.
RED OAK, IA—After his doctor ambushed him Tuesday with suggestions that his weight was becoming a serious health problem, 450-pound local man Dale Carver, 43, reportedly told his physician that he hadn’t come to his appointment for a lecture on how to live.
“Look, professor, I didn’t come in here today for a lesson plan, so
Twat. Next time Dad should cheer him up with a 2 x 4.
From The Smoking Gun.
Birthday Boy, 44, Battered Father With Cookie Cake
FEBRUARY 28--A Louisiana man celebrating his birthday got into an argument with his 77-year-old father and allegedly assaulted his kin with a “cookie cake” purchased by the older man, according to cops.
Investigators allege that Kenneth Fulmer, 44, left his
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I'm not sure that "break" is the right word when it comes to mobile homes. I mean, is it really that hard to get into them? Just wait for a gust of wind.
From MSN. Link from Jillian Nord.
Burglar allegedly breaks into mobile home, steals sword, blind cat, Chinese meditation balls
2/27/2013
A burglar in Lawrence, Kan., allegedly broke into a mobile home and made off with the most random
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians
Rappers Hoping To Claim Making It Rain On Strippers As A Tax Deduction
March 5, 2013
Unfortunately the words "rapper" and "taxes" more times than not ends up in a fail (ask Ja Rule). However, Hip-Hop artists like Game, Jim Jones, Daz Dillinger and more are hoping their "expenses" at the strip club are legitimate tax deductions that will ease
Barber Just Latest In Long String Of Humans To Feign Interest In What Area Man Says
Mar 1, 2013
BLANCHESTER, OH—Sources confirmed Friday that the person currently cutting local man Russell Elko’s hair is merely the latest in a long line of hundreds, perhaps thousands, of human beings who over the course of the 30-year-old’s lifetime have pretended to be interested in what
Make your picks for pope in the Sweet Sistine March Madness brackets. From Bianca.
8 famous people who accidentally shot themselves. They forgot my brother-in-law, who shot himself in the leg while practicing his quick-draw. With a loaded gun.
"I Dreamed A Dream" from Les Miserables, sung by Gollum. Link from Steve.