The Faces Behind Disney's Greatest Villains (Of The Day)

From my friends over at The FW.

PAT CARROLL as URSULA (THE LITTLE MERMAID)

Then: By 1989 when The Little Mermaid premiered, Carroll was already 41 years into her screen acting and voicework career. A gifted comedienne, she moved from nightclub acts to Broadway, film, and television.

Now: Nearly 86 years old, Carroll is still going strong with a recent cameo in Bridesmaids and a role in

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Sneeze Attack Of The Day

Bears can't buy Allegra. Just sayin'...

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Craigslist Ad Of The Day: You Farted In The Dairy Section

Thanks for the link, Jody Love.




CL > madison > all personals > missed connections
Posted: 2013-01-26, 1:51PM CST


You farted in the dairy section - m4w



I needed some milk. You were there. And you were cute.

I noticed you as I neared the shelves. How could I not? Petite, pretty, poised... other good things that start with p... there was a lot to like. You saw me approaching and

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Trolling Parents Of The Day

We live for this kinda stuff. My daughter is at the age now where almost everything I do in public embarrasses her. If I even act like I'm going to dance or do the walrus imitation with chopsticks, she freaks out. Fish in a barrel, man. Fish in a barrel. 

From Buzzfeed and Rich Girl Red.














































More here.

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Animated GIF Of The Day

He'll be hungry again in an hour. From Jody Love.

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Nostalgic Activities Today's Kids Will Never Enjoy

Blowing in
Nintendo games, the horrible sound of a dial-up modem. Yeah, things
sucked. But that's why they were awesome. And kids today will never
know it. From Funny Or Die, by Dan Abramson.MAKING A MIX TAPEKids
will never know the satisfaction of putting a cassette in your stereo
and waiting for your favorite song to come on, fingers anxiously waiting
on the record button. A message to

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Answers to Rhetorical Questions That Are Movie Titles (Of The Day)

Inspired by this post by Ethan Ryan on McSweeney's.





Judge Doom framed him.

He's a private investigator.

Yes, they shoot horses to put them out of their misery.

I heard they shot Mrs. Morgan to put her out of her misery.

He art in 1937 rural Mississippi during the Great Depression.

The same people who created them. And big oil.

Not much. It was more about survival than love.

Bob's

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Animated GIF Of The Day

Hello?

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Cool People Hanging Out Together Of The Day

Randomness and proof that it's easier to meet famous people when you are one. From this blog.




Brooks & Reiner




Wood & Murray




Jennings & Holly




Ali & Cooke




The Dalai Lama & Mr. Rogers




Dali & Harpo




Chaplin & Gandhi




Elton, Gaga, & Sting




Hackman & T




De Niro & Strummer




Kelly & Astaire




Lee, Davis, & Cushing




Lucy & Eleanor




McCartney & Buckley

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Corporate Logo Spoofs Of The Day

These remind me of my beloved Wacky Packages.

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Craigslist Ad Of The Day: R. Kelly

 

best of craigslist > madison >


Looking for R. Kelly Impersonator


Posted: 2013-01-21, 12:11PM CST


I am looking for an R. Kelly impersonator to follow me around this Saturday and narrate everything I do as if it's a part of the song "trapped in the closet."

Hourly rate is negotiable, all applicants are subject to audition. Looks are irrelevant.

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Bad Lip-Reading Of The Day: Beyoncé

God, I love these.

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Bad Knock-Off Brands Of The Day

These are huge among the nearsighted, dyslexic, and illiterate. From Rich Girl Red.
















That's not chicken.













Good luck brushing the suck off this.













Sounds like Johnnie worked a little too hard.





Ugly by any name.





You don't Michael alone with your food, trust me.





Tenderness.









A more accurate description of this product's

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News: Man Who Can't Get Enough Mucus Enjoying Winter Season

From The Onion.


Man Who Can't Get Enough Mucus Enjoying Winter Season

Jan. 22, 2013

CHICAGO—Saying that he’s always up for having more mucus congesting every part of his respiratory system, local man Michael Harrison told reporters this morning that he was really delighting in the winter season. 

“I tell you, there is nothing I like better than the feeling of phlegm pouring out of my

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Close Call Of The Day

Know who was flying that plane? Charles Darwin. He won't miss next time. #luckymorons

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News: Naked Man Terrorizes Florida Family's Home, Dumps Out Vacuum Contents And Masturbates On Floor

Florida. Always. 

From NBC-2.com. Thanks for the link, Jody Love.




Naked Man Terrorizes Florida Family's Home
 
A North Fort Myers resident was tackled by a naked man who had leapt off his roof Monday evening - and the scene only got more bizarre from there.

Deputies were called to 17000 block of Old Bayshore Road just before 7 p.m. to deal with 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni of Venice.

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Amusingly Named Molecules Of The Day

That's right. Molecules. If you're in school, this post might count as a science credit. Consult your advisor.From this site by Paul May.ARSOLEYes,
believe it or not, there is actually a molecule called Arsole... and
it's a ring! It is the arsenic equivalent of pyrrole, and although it is
rarely found in its pure form, it is occasionally seen as a sidegroup
in the form of organic

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Hard-of-Hearing Vader Of The Day

What?

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The Secret Lives Of Superheroes

Under the suits they're just like us. A series of prints from artist Greg Guillemin.






















More here.

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Adult Jokes In Kids' Cartoons That Kids Never Got (Of The Day)

Hard to believe some of these made it past the censors, but then, censors aren't all that bright.

From Afro Amber and Buzzfeed.


Animaniacs






Hey Arnold




Spongebob





Hey Arnold




Toy Story




Rocko's Modern Life




Rugrats



See more here.

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Road Rage Victor Of The Day

Suck on that, jackass. Actually, they're both jackasses but it makes for good comedy.

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Amusing Photo Series Of The Day

From photographer Patrice Laroche and My Modern Met. Link from Prairie Girl.

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Creepiest PSA Ever (Of The Day)

I'll never start another forest fire. Ever.



Best YouTube comment: "Remember, if you start a forest fire, Smokey the Bear will come to your
house at night, skin you THE FUCK ALIVE AND THEN USE YOUR FACE AS A MASK
IN HIS AD CAMPAIGNS."

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14 Pictures Of Snoop Dogg Looking Out Of Place

Luckily he was too baked to care.

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Sarcastic Sign Graffiti Of The Day

God bless the smartasses of the world.































































More like these:

Stop sign graffiti
Smart-ass responses to moronic graffiti
Brilliant bathroom graffiti

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Tourette's Karaoke: The Lady In Red (NSFW)

If you aren't familiar with this guy (named Guy), he has lots of vids and his own web page. Singing and self-mockery is how he deals with his condition, so don't be hatin'.

NSFW for non-stop hilarious profanity.

If you missed Guy singing Lionel Richie's "Hello," you need to see it.

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10 Common Nightmares And What They Mean

A bit simplistic, but entertaining nonetheless. My personal favorite is the one where it's a week before finals and you realize you have a class that you never even attended. 

From HowStuffWorks.FALLING/DROWNINGDo
you feel like you're in over your head? Maybe you're caving under the
pressure of a certain task or duty. These anxious feelings will most
likely result in a dream of you falling or

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Scotch Tape Portraits Of The Day

They have a certain Picasso-esque flavor to them. I'm not sure whether to laugh or run.

From photographer Wes Naman.

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11 Common Words You Might Be Mispronouncing (Of The Day)

None of these should surprise you, but it never hurts to be sure. I like helping, you see. I have a servant's heart. That's why I'm giving you an alternative after each word to use if you still are uncomfortable pronouncing the word in question.

From Mental Floss.


SEUSS

Pen names don't always make things easier. Theodore Geisel's college buddy Alexander Liang made a rhyme to teach you the

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2012's Best Mugshots Of The Day

My favorites from last year.




 Cousin Itt







 Bat Boy lives!




 Settle down, Chicken Man




 We called these "waterheads" when I was a kid. I bet you can't do that anymore.




 Unfrozen caveman punching bag





 Deputy Fife







 It's okay, brah, I'm here for you.




 It was Injun Joe! He done it!







That's the hairiest chick I've ever seen.




Jesus Christ! Who farted?

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Justice League Of Dead Presidents Of The Day

I would've guessed Franklin to be the one in drag, not Old Hickory. Just goes to show--you never know. 

From artist Aslan Malik.

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The Best YouTube Comments Of 2012

More people being funny. From Buzzfeed.













More here.

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Bad Lip-Reading of the Day: NFL

I'm white! *high five*

Thanks for the link, Rich Girl Red.

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Goat Singing Usher (Of The Day)

Heavy Metal Rooster has some competition.

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Product Reviews Of The Day: Banana Slicer

You gotta love clever people. From Amazon. Link from Sheila.







Excerpts from product reviews:





* Once I figured out I had to peel the banana before using - it works much better. Ordering
one for my nephew. He's been using
an old slinky to slice his bananas.





* i love it when there's progress. this unit is way better than the 571A! 



* I have 27 trained monkeys I use to do

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Celebrities Reading Mean Tweets About Themselves (Of The Day)

I'm a little late on this one but maybe you haven't seen it yet. If you have, go back and look at the skeptical animals again while the rest of us watch the video.

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Skeptical Animals Of The Day

Yes, they totally believe your ridiculous story.















See my nose twitching? It does that when it smells bullshit.
 






 





I'm just wondering where you got the impression
that moose are idiots.



















I won't lie. Your improbable explanation leaves me fraught with suspicion.
 









Uh huh. Fascinating. Please, tell me more.

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Movies Made Better With Nicolas Cage (Of The Day)

From Buzzfeed.






































More here.

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Training Montage Montage Of The Day

Bloodsport, good. No Karate Kid, bad.

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Photoshop Troll Of The Day

I love this guy. These had me in tears.









Lots more here.

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The "Lincoln" Teaser Trailer You Never Saw

I laughed. Thanks, Woodwoman.

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Cool Products That Were Banned Or Recalled Because Some Moron Shoved One Up His Ass (Or Whatever)

Kids and idiots ruin everything. I say leave the stuff out there and let the chips fall where they may. The more we impede natural selection, the worse this will get.

List from Popular Mechanics and Spinderfella.



LAWN DARTS

Summer Saturdays were never the same once Jarts were taken off the market back in 1988. The Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) banned the sale of the metal-tipped

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News: Man Caught Shoplifting Miley Cyrus Sex Doll

He should have taken the Lindsay Lohan doll instead. It's free. (From The Smoking Gun.)



Poor, Mortified Bastard, 22, Busted Trying To Steal Miley Cyrus Blow-Up Doll From Novelty Shop

December 13, 2012

A North Carolina man is facing shoplifting charges after he allegedly stole a blow-up doll resembling Miley Cyrus from a novelty shop.

Benjamin Greene, 22, was nabbed Tuesday after

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Kiss Of Death Actors Of The Day

Tired of wasting money on crap movies? Here's your solution: just look for one or more of these actors. If they're in the movie, it will suck. Simple, huh?

Of course, just as a broken clock is right twice a day, even a bad actor can get lucky and find himself/herself in a decent flick from time to time. In the interest of fairness, I've noted those exceptions.

ROBIN WILLIAMS

Robin Williams is

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Letter Of The Day: Von Trapp Wedding Canceled

From McSweeney's.



I Regret to Inform You That My Wedding to Captain Von Trapp Has Been Canceled.

By Baroness Elsa Schraeder

Dear friends, family, and Austrian nobility,

Captain Von Trapp and I are very sorry to inform you that we no longer plan to wed. We offer our deepest apologies to those of you who have already made plans to travel to Salzburg this summer.

Those of you on the

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People Who Actually Exist (Of The Day)

Freaks, creeps, morons. They walk among us.












Tucking your boobs into your pants = HOT.





Dude. They make those smaller now, you know.













It says no kids in the cart. It doesn't say anything
about drunk old ladies.

















Looks like somebody gave up on getting laid.









Looks like somebody else gave up on getting laid.






More at Buzzfeed.

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20th Century Fox Intro - Recorder Version

Almost there. Maybe one or two more practices.

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Craigslist Ad Of The Day: I Farted On Every One Of My 37 Employees

best of craigslist > new york >
I farted on every single one of my employees. All 37 of them.




Date: 2013-01-02, 10:27PM EST


So, I just need to tell the world because I am so happy that I have finally accomplished something that has been 3 months in the making.  I farted on every single one of my 37 employees.

The initial fart began on January 21st, 2008 while I was

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The Funniest Facebook Posts Of 2012

From HappyPlace.





































Lots more here.

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Movie Roles Val Kilmer Didn't Want Or Didn't Get (Of The Day)

Turning down or losing parts are common practices in Hollywood, but Valerie here seems to have more than his share of near misses. A reputation for being supremely difficult on the set certainly doesn't help. Damn fine actor, though. Loved him in Tombstone and Real Genius.

Actors who got the parts instead are in parentheses.



ROLES VAL DIDN'T WANT

Dirty Dancing
Turned down the lead role of

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7 Types Of Sex You Have In Your 20s (Of The Day)

Yup. All of them. How about you?

From Huffington Post.




"YOU'RE CONVENIENT" SEX
"Say.. as long as we're trapped in this elevator..."

"ONE MORE TIME" SEX
Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. You did it. Have fun living with the fallout.

BARTERED SEX
Sometimes you just really want some help putting together your IKEA furniture.

DRUNK SEX
A bunch of uncoordinated flailing limbs, plus an

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Heavy Metal Rooster Of The Day

Talk about a monster cock.

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December Motivational Poster Roundup

The first one is my favorite, of course.

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December "Found Porn" Roundup

Lots of phalluses this month, all from filthy-minded women like Laurie, Smauge, Smokiechick, Karen, Bianca, and Teresa. Other pics from Robin, Chris, Amy, Cyndi, Rachael, and Julie M.

On another note, if you're as sick of this blog template as I am, don't worry, I'm gonna change it soon. I meant to do this over the holidays until I realized that sitting on my ass doing absolutely nothing was

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